The Water Cooler
by Lynn Hidy
How are things at work?” I asked Pat. I knew her company had gone through a couple of “contractions”.
“Oh, things would be okay if it weren’t for the Boss From Hell,” Pat demurely replied. Understand, Pat is the epitome of demure. In her free time, she teaches knitting at a local yarn shop. And, on the job – I’ve been a trainer at Pat’s company and that’s how we first met – she is universally adored.
“The Boss from Hell? What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, she’s way behind on her work and I’m supposed to help her get things done. The problem is she knows nothing and has become an annoying bitch,” Pat elaborated.
Whoa…The “B-word”. I’m sure it’s not the first time any of us have heard it applied to a woman in the workplace. And, not the first time we’ve heard the “B-word” drop from the lips of another woman. In fact, I hear it a lot, in training sessions I conduct twice a week at a medical billing company. During one session, supervisors used “bitch” so often to describe a co-worker the word soon began to lose its punch.
The obvious question is when did using “bitch” to describe a professional woman become so ubiquitous?
According to Lynn Hidy, founder of www.UpYourTelesales.com, by hearing the “B-word” bandied about the workplace is more common than anyone might like to think. “I can’t remember where I first heard this – there’s an acronym about B.I.T.C.H. Being In Total Control of Herself, referring to independent, self-confident women.”
So it’s GOOD to be a bitch? Who wouldn’t want to be renowned in the workplace for being confident, independent, reasonable, and in control? If that makes you a bitch, where do I sign up?
“When people get emotional in the workplace, it’s expected that we’ll be emotional right back, especially if whomever is in charge is a woman,” says Hidy.
And, when a professional woman shows grit and guts? “Co-workers cannot fathom that a woman wouldn’t be emotional,” says Hidy. “The problem is with female co-workers, people sometimes project very specific little girl expectations.”
My experience tells me that Hidy is correct. I report to an experienced female VP; strong in her convictions, yet amazingly empathetic, hardly anyone’s idea of a “little girl”. She listens intently, though quick to remind people listening doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing. As in any work environment there are those who balk at her ideas. What do those people say or think? Why, of course, the Veep is a bee-yatch!
Perhaps bitchiness is in the eyes of the beholder – the one who hurls the epithet – rather than an accurate description of “The Queen B(itch)”.
Hidy says “being called a bitch is a response when someone feels outmaneuvered or cornered. “
For those saddled with the bitch nom de guerre at work or those who fear becoming labeled one - is there anything they can do?
“Absolutely,” Hidy says. “We’re at work. When it comes down to it, being called a bitch is not about the person; it’s about their role and how well they do it. When there is conflict, find a non-emotional/non-personal way to handle it.”
Wise advice; it’s okay to take issue with the idea or approach. It’s not okay to attack the person; focus on the specifics of the situation. Like the “no flame” rule in the online world or the prohibition against name-calling on the playground.
When all else fails? Repeat the B.I.T.C.H. creed to yourself (silently, please): “I am a B.I.T.C.H. self-confident, fair, and in total control.”
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 | Rochester Woman Magazine
When You Call Me B.I.T.C.H., Smile!by Lynn Hidy
How are things at work?” I asked Pat. I knew her company had gone through a couple of “contractions”.
“Oh, things would be okay if it weren’t for the Boss From Hell,” Pat demurely replied. Understand, Pat is the epitome of demure. In her free time, she teaches knitting at a local yarn shop. And, on the job – I’ve been a trainer at Pat’s company and that’s how we first met – she is universally adored.
“The Boss from Hell? What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, she’s way behind on her work and I’m supposed to help her get things done. The problem is she knows nothing and has become an annoying bitch,” Pat elaborated.
Whoa…The “B-word”. I’m sure it’s not the first time any of us have heard it applied to a woman in the workplace. And, not the first time we’ve heard the “B-word” drop from the lips of another woman. In fact, I hear it a lot, in training sessions I conduct twice a week at a medical billing company. During one session, supervisors used “bitch” so often to describe a co-worker the word soon began to lose its punch.
The obvious question is when did using “bitch” to describe a professional woman become so ubiquitous?
According to Lynn Hidy, founder of www.UpYourTelesales.com, by hearing the “B-word” bandied about the workplace is more common than anyone might like to think. “I can’t remember where I first heard this – there’s an acronym about B.I.T.C.H. Being In Total Control of Herself, referring to independent, self-confident women.”
So it’s GOOD to be a bitch? Who wouldn’t want to be renowned in the workplace for being confident, independent, reasonable, and in control? If that makes you a bitch, where do I sign up?
“When people get emotional in the workplace, it’s expected that we’ll be emotional right back, especially if whomever is in charge is a woman,” says Hidy.
And, when a professional woman shows grit and guts? “Co-workers cannot fathom that a woman wouldn’t be emotional,” says Hidy. “The problem is with female co-workers, people sometimes project very specific little girl expectations.”
My experience tells me that Hidy is correct. I report to an experienced female VP; strong in her convictions, yet amazingly empathetic, hardly anyone’s idea of a “little girl”. She listens intently, though quick to remind people listening doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing. As in any work environment there are those who balk at her ideas. What do those people say or think? Why, of course, the Veep is a bee-yatch!
Perhaps bitchiness is in the eyes of the beholder – the one who hurls the epithet – rather than an accurate description of “The Queen B(itch)”.
Hidy says “being called a bitch is a response when someone feels outmaneuvered or cornered. “
For those saddled with the bitch nom de guerre at work or those who fear becoming labeled one - is there anything they can do?
“Absolutely,” Hidy says. “We’re at work. When it comes down to it, being called a bitch is not about the person; it’s about their role and how well they do it. When there is conflict, find a non-emotional/non-personal way to handle it.”
Wise advice; it’s okay to take issue with the idea or approach. It’s not okay to attack the person; focus on the specifics of the situation. Like the “no flame” rule in the online world or the prohibition against name-calling on the playground.
When all else fails? Repeat the B.I.T.C.H. creed to yourself (silently, please): “I am a B.I.T.C.H. self-confident, fair, and in total control.”
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