We are sitting in O'Connor's office-an area larger than most living rooms--and as comfortable. From my seat across from the love seat, there is a bird's eye view of the Times Square building's distinctive wings. The room is resplendent with family photographs, and well, of course, one of O'Connor, Hoffman and Tom Cruise. When asked if she was star struck at the Academy Awards ceremonies (at which son Gordy also attended), she gestures with a wave of her hand, "of course not." After all, she was truly in her element. "I had Nicole Kidman on one side of me, Will Smith on the other and got a kiss from George Clooney," she chirps with a grin. "What more could you ask for?" O'Connor goes on about how she hosted parties for this event in her home for years. (Yes, girls, you must break out your old prom dress or your pajamas-prerequisites for attendance).

Family & Career Choices

     O'Connor was living in Rochester in the 70's as a school teacher, divorced with four young children and watching many of her friends and peers going on to attain higher degrees. But overall, says O'Connor, their lives changed little, despite great effort. She wanted to be different. When daughter Emily started kindergarten, O'Connor spent weeks sitting in parks and other places trying to decide what she really wanted to do-and she came up with nothing. She recalls some time later standing in front of her kitchen sink and asking herself "If you could be anything what would you be?" The answer came to her very succinctly: an attorney. But she pushed it aside at the time. Two years later, she was standing at that same sink, and the same thing popped into her head. This time, she heeded her calling. O'Connor learned about L-SATs, was accepted to, and graduated from the State University of New York at Buffalo School of Law.

     As a new lawyer in 1979, at age 42, O'Connor prosecuted juvenile delinquents in Monroe County Family Court. Later, she became the law clerk to Monroe County Surrogate Arnold F. Ciaccio. When Ciaccio retired, O'Connor was faced with the question again of what to do. She took several months off-which she enjoyed very much-and then her phone rang. She leans forward in that office love seat again with excitement and a twinkle in her eye.

Her Honor

     The leader of the Democratic Party at the time, Ted O'Brien called O'Connor to tell her the governor had signed legislation opening another judge's seat, and asked if she would she like to run for it. O'Connor questioned herself on many levels and then realized, "Boy, are you thinking like a woman," she says, noting that a man would not worry about the issues that were going through her head. She called O'Brien back and said "yes." The challenge would be daunting. Three candidates were already aggressively campaigning. Though she had no endorsements, she had strong support from her friends and colleagues. And O'Connor looks at the big picture.

     "This was Hilary Clinton's year on the ballot," she observes. She knew many more women voters would be at the polls this year. And O'Connor knows, having sat on many a Board of Elections in previous years how to crunch the numbers. She describes this particular election night like a cliffhanger movie:

     "I was dead last when the suburban numbers started coming in," she says. But soon she crept up into third, and she called her nail biting confidant and co-campaign chair Jan Miller and said, "It's doable." She queried minute-by-minute, and hour-by-hour what the vote tallies were, believing herself all along that she had this one. O'Connor won the election and a 10-year term on the bench.

     A retirement law for judges requires O'Connor to step down at the end of 2007 when she's 70. Reflecting on this segment in her career, O'Connor is introspective.

    "I think the only thing I have ever wanted to do is to make a difference." And that difference in family court is often small steps toward success. O'Connor says to be successful doesn't mean it has to be something big. "The fact that somebody walks through the door and stands at the podium in front of me and says 'I need help, and that's what I'm here for,' that person is successful."  Her mantra about where life takes you is simple enough: "Put one foot in front of the other." O'Connor never appears to have set a course for her ship. Rather, she ensured the masts were stayed and the hull sound for the journey. She has spent decades picking up shards in the too often fragmented world that is family court. She captured national attention when she ordered a drug-addicted mother of four to have no more children.

     "A lot of people misinterpreted the decision as to being that I ordered her not to have children ever. And that's not the case. I ordered her not to have children for the duration of the order," says O'Connor, adding that there were other terms, and this stipulation was only for a year. You don't have to ask if she'd make such a ruling again-she has. But O'Connor does not fear controversy if she believes in what she is doing. More recently, she made headlines when she ordered case workers to cease administering psychotropic drugs to a child in foster care. These and other actions by O'Connor reflect her insightful, objective, and caring nature. Tom Privitere, of Pittsford, attended law school with O'Connor and has been a close friend and colleague for years.

      "What amazes me the most about Marilyn is her capacity to immediately identify with people no matter what their socio-economic, ethnic, or racial back ground. She is a front line feminist with a gut for right and wrong, knows what responsibility means and never shirks hers, nor excuses others from assuming theirs," says Privitere.

Family Matters     

     While Hoffman holds his prestigious place in Hollywood, O'Connor has three other children who are outstanding in their own rights. Gordy continues his work as a writer, director and producer. Daughter Emily and husband Mark Barr live in Denver, Colorado, and recently grew their family by two-adopting sons Yabsarrah and Michael from Ethiopia rounding out their family of seven. Her other daughter, Jill, is a working mother of three at Golisano Children's Hospital at Strong. With Hoffman and girlfriend Mimi's newest addition to the family, daughter Tallulah, born in November, and little sister to Cooper, O' Connor is now the proud grandmother of 10. Privitere has shared family times with all of the kids and O'Connor for decades.

     "Marilyn's four children are each unique and gifted individuals. I'd credit a lot of that to the example she set for them very early on. That no matter what life threw at you, if you  had a dream, treated other people as if they mattered, and stayed on course that your dreams would come true...or at least you could make them come true if you worked hard enough and believed that you could."

On Women & Leadership

     O'Connor's founded the Rochester chapter of the Women's Bar Association of the State of New York. O'Connor uses a ladder analogy: "Reach down and give the girl a hand up. Men help each other every step of the way. They share job opportunities, the way the system works." O'Connor says women need to do the same thing. "You need to dare to dream and support women."

     Long time friend and colleague and friend of 31 years Bonnie Hood says that attitude goes a long way with O'Connor:

     "For as long as I've known Marilyn, she's remained a tireless advocate for women, never ceasing to advise encourage and support women to seek their full potential."

On Courage

     When she speaks to the challenges of women, children, and all who want to better their lives, O'Connor is straight as an arrow. She understands that certain aspects of achievement aren't always clear cut-but are measurable nonetheless.

     "Courage is moving forward. Courage isn't always some flamboyant act of jumping out of a window to save somebody. That's obvious courage. Sometimes it's a very simple thing of just putting that one foot in front of the other," says O' Connor. That message is conveyed at every extension of O'Connor's reach from the youth who stand before her in family court, to the women she has carried with her throughout her life.

On "Retirement"

     When asked what the future holds when she steps down from the bench at the end of the year, O'Connor tosses her hands up with a "who knows?' attitude. One thing she would like to do is make a montage of all of her favorite movie scenes and clips. She leans forward with yet another twinkle in her eyes.

     "Did you ever see Cinemaparadiso?" she asks. The movie ends with the now adult Toto viewing a reel of clips that were dropped on the cutting room floor, being deemed "improper for general viewing," (mostly kissing scenes), by his priest and projectionist mentor, Alfredo. O'Connor's idea isn't quite as salacious.

     "You know, like the scene from Steel Magnolias with Sally Fields in the cemetery! Or there's another one from Running on Empty-a Christine Lahti film with River Phoenix." O'Connor is referring to a scene where Annie, (played by Lahti) asks her father, Donald Patterson, (played by Steven Hill) to give her son the chance to develop a talent that she squandered.

     "His whole body was heaving," says O'Connor. These are only two of the clips O'Connor would include in her collection.  You can't ignore the glorious animation this woman emanates when she talks about the arts and family. And if she does choose that creative path down the road, certainly some memories from her storied life belong on that reel as well…